Why You Should Never Give Up on a Troubled Youth
by Steve ----Bookmark on del.icio.us----You may wonder why, at 38 years old, I am so passionate about youth issues. Let me tell you why…
When I was young, many people who claimed to be helping me, lied to me, abused me, marginalized me, and wrote me off as another statistic. I don’t claim to be special or unique in any way, I am one of millions.
I did not expect to live past 18. I lived through events that should have killed me. The fact that I am here writing this – alive and free – is a miracle. Some of my friends didn’t make it. And some that did are the walking wounded. Ghosts of what could have been.
I owe my life to a couple of inexplicable events and to those few people – and there were very few of them – who accepted me as I was.
As my mind’s eye gazes into the reflection of my past, I clearly see that every moment of every day is a priceless gift.
But the most valuable thing I’ve learned along the way is that there is only one cure for what is wrong with people and the cure is unconditional love and acceptance. It starts with unconditionally loving and accepting yourself as you are right now.
Sound hokey? Cliché? Is unconditional love and acceptance a tall order? Yes, but it’s worth the effort.
Most of these troubled kids act the way they do because they hate themselves and deny what they really are (loving creative beings). They build hard shells around themselves and see love and acceptance as a weakness. And the longer they go without it the thicker the shell becomes. But love is the shell’s kryptonite. It can melt the shell from the inside or the outside.
One of the adults who accepted me unconditionally was a high school English teacher who was instrumental in setting up an alternative education program for troubled kids. He recently told me, “You never write off a kid, never, ever. They are human beings full of untold potential. There are no bad kids.” I agree that there are no bad kids, only kids that haven’t received enough love. There are no disposable teens.
But still, far too many people are horribly damaged when they are young and vulnerable, which is one reason why you see me lambasting public education, not because they are bad people, but because the institution has no compassion. No massive government monopoly does. It can’t. Think about it.
I promised myself a long time ago, that I would never forget. While it is painful, my understanding of those times is too valuable to discard. However, I do not consider myself a victim. I take full responsibility for my decisions both past and present. I am grateful for the opportunity to overcome my poor choices and to be alive to tell the story.
To find solutions we need to think about where we’ve been, where we are, and where we are going. We need to be creative and let go of our insane denial and our desperate clinging. In America we seem to think we can solve every problem with another war. A war on drugs, a war on crime, a war on poverty, a war on terror.
What we need are fewer fucking wars.
Can you feel the heat in here? I’ll stop my rant and leave you with something positive.
Bill and Gail Roddy are people who are making a difference. They quit their corporate jobs and formed Osiris Organization, a non-profit dedicated to helping troubled kids learn technology and entrepreneurship. Bill Roddy was the St. Thomas Humanitarian of the Year for 2006.
Watch this video about the Osiris Organization:
Alex Shalman was kind enough to ask me to write about the top causes that make my palms sweat, my heart bleed, and sends tears rolling down my cheeks as part of the Caring, Compassion, and Charity project. Well now you know…
So I will extend Alex’s favor by tagging Karl Martino and Steve at The Fast Lane…
What are the top causes that make your palms sweat, your heart bleed, and sends tears rolling down your cheeks?
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October 12th, 2007 at 9:09 am
Hi Steve,
Yup.. this is somewhat related to the arguments I occasionally have with others, ‘to be right is not always the right thing to do’. Acceptance is hard, especially for people who always think in terms of right and wrong. I know some of such people. And I see that it’s them who suffer more by not accepting. What they don’t understand is that unconditional love and acceptance is beneficial to them too. It will take them to a higher consciousness level.
Read this I feel this is related but can’t tell exactly how.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:33 am
Rise,
Thanks for the link. That is cool story.
Acceptance is difficult. Even those of us that try to practice it, slip in and out of it. But I must say that when I am in a groove, it works better than anything else.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Wow. Steve, that was SUCH a powerful expression and I completely felt your passion coming out of the monitor and shaking me awake. It is my firm belief that if everyone had better communication skills there would be NO wars. Youth-education is the key to making that a reality. Thanks for sharing Steve!
October 12th, 2007 at 9:43 am
I really enjoyed your post, Steve. Soon I’m going to be starting a job as a residential counselor in a group home for emancipated youth. It seems to me that the most important thing these kids need is love, like you said. Without someone to care about them and support them, they will have a very hard time succeeding in school and becoming independent adults.
I always enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work!
October 12th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Thanks for the reminder Steve. After becoming burned out on the woeful educational system after 10+ years as a Special Ed teacher, at many times I had a hard time not giving up, and to preserve my sanity, sadly, I often had to give up. But thankfully as the story goes, I was able to save at least one starfish.
October 12th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Very powerful post. You touched my heart. I am going to start with me. As you have said, then every thing will fall in it’s place. For the moment i felt sorry for you and the next moment i started admiring you. You are a courages man with big heart. Thanks!
October 12th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Ravi,
Thanks for the comment. I certainly don’t want any pity. I’m fine. My life is great. I wrote the piece to help people understand things they may never be exposed to and to give attention to Osiris.
October 13th, 2007 at 12:21 am
This is a wonderful post…more of this type of post should be highlighted for all to see. Your passion comes through and in doing so, makes me step back to see if I have ever been one of those that have given up. I don’t believe I have, but I’ll make sure for certain in the future. Thanks for making me reflect today…
October 13th, 2007 at 1:41 am
Why You Should Never Give Up on a Troubled Youth…
[...]Some very powerful stuff. Will definitely resonate with anyone who has - or has been - a troubled child.[...]…
October 13th, 2007 at 1:47 am
You said: “You never write off a kid, never, ever. They are human beings full of untold potential. There are no bad kids.” I agree that there are no bad kids, only kids that haven’t received enough love. There are no disposable teens.”
I say: This is pure bullshit. There are definitly bad kids. Kids that would make the world a better place by being dead. Juvi’s full of them. “No bad kids?” Bullshit! Tell that to the people who have been raped, robbed or murdered by your little angels.
You said: “In America we seem to think we can solve every problem with another war. A war on drugs, a war on crime, a war on poverty, a war on terror.
What we need are fewer fucking wars.”
I say: Well, you got that one right. Only I wouldn’t blame “we” Americans for it. This one is entirely governmental. Each Administration pushing its agenda under the cover of another highly moral “just cause”, if you get my meaning.
October 13th, 2007 at 2:04 am
Good stuff, best wishes in showing people that writing off others is dangerous and foolish…
ND
October 13th, 2007 at 7:43 am
Why You Should Never Give Up on a Troubled Youth…
This story has been submitted to Stirrdup. Your support can help it become hot….
October 13th, 2007 at 8:12 am
Indeed, unconditional love. Very rarely talked about nowadays, when conditional love seems to be the prefered way of relating with others.
October 13th, 2007 at 11:00 am
[...] Why You Should Never Give Up on a Troubled Youth | steve-olson.com Annotated When I was young, many people who claimed to be helping me, lied to me, abused me, marginalized me, and wrote me off as another statistic. I don’t claim to be special or unique in any way, I am one of millions. One of the adults who accepted me unconditionally was a high school English teacher who was instrumental in setting up an alternative education program for troubled kids. He recently told me, “You never write off a kid, never, ever. They are human beings full of untold potential. There are no bad kids.” I agree that there are no bad kids, only kids that haven’t received enough love. There are no disposable teens. [...]
October 13th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
Very powerful post. I work with at risk youth and find that showing genuine interest as human beings in combination with delegating real responsibility can produce tremendous results.
I also design and deliver corporate leadership development programs for adults and find similarly that love is a very important component in making teams work effectively and productively.
Thanks for sharing this powerful post.
Fair Winds and Godspeed,
Peter A. Mello
Sea-Fever Consulting LLC
http://sea-fever.org
October 15th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
there’s all kinds of acceptance. think about tolerance, minimizing your prejudice, learning thru the worst times without cynicism, no to racism and adopting less self-centered and less selfish philosophies where we try to understand or we improve ourselves because we want to understand others. then we can begin to claim that we are trying to be accepting people in all levels. starting from the persons closest to us.
October 16th, 2007 at 8:35 am
Thanks for sharing your own personal story. Shows that change is always possible. I sort of agree with the other post, above, too. I don’t believe there are no evil people in the world because there are… but maybe just maybe something can be done to save even them?? Good post!
October 16th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
I admire anyone who can lay it out and let the world know personal details about their life. You seem to have lucked out and found solid people willing to give you a shot at letting you be yourself. Interesting post. Lots to think about.
October 19th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
[...] is that only a limited few have found their purpose; Tina Su, Alex Shaman, Priscilla Palmer, Todd, Steven Olson, Brightdays are some good [...]
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:40 pm
For this poem, I was motivated by my Special Education students.
Why give up,
Why give in,
If I were to give up;
There is no way to know what I need within.
Why give up,
Why give in,
If I were to give up;
There is no way to know what I need to begiin.
Why give up,
Why give in,
If I were to give up;
There is no way to know what I need to win.
From before I was the born the doctors predicted me to only survive being “mentally retarded”. It wasn’t until after high school when in college I was a miracle survivor after the front seat of my car was driven into by a drunk that left me in severe condition. I survived with a Savere Traumatic Brain Injury. After out-patient therapy I wanted to go back to school. I wanted “to finish what I started.” So I studied “Human Services” got an Associates degree. Now I am studying Special Education. After I want to study Speech. After that I want to Law so I can completely reform Illinois, get everyone out of the past.
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Phillip,
You are an inspiration. You can do it.
Thanks for sharing your story here.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:50 am
I hope my husband is thankful that I unconditionally loved him.
I think he sometimes beats himself up for who he used to treat people. :-(
I just saw what he had inside him and couldn’t help but love him.
It is sometimes hard to see teachers tattling on a student to a parent because you know that it will sometimes just make the kids life worse. :-(
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:39 am
Great help for troubled teens parents. This blog is really interesting and gives lot of useful information to parents and families in trouble. Troubled teens needs more support and any normal kid. So, parents must keep this in mind to handle the situation.