My second husband intends to divorce me. At first I was devastated and thought about strategies that would enable me to keep him. Nothing worked and I was drowning in misery and alcohol (feelings, feelings, feelings). At some point, with the help of my support group (friends), I realized that I should close that chapter and move on to someone who will appreciate me. I made twp rational decisions: to stop drinking and to go to graduate school. I am moving in few months and FEELING great. I got myself out of the emotional mud by making rational decisions. Make wise decisions to cure/remove your negative feelings - is my advice.

My husband will have three short, failed marriages behind him, precisely because he can’t connect and open up emotionally. His problem! He would rather suffer alone than admit a mistake and compromise. It’s a decision he let his fragile ego make for him. “It’s my way or the highway” sent three of his wives on the highway. Ultimately, things will never be his way!

Follow your emotions and dreams, your intuition and faith; make decisions that will build your life, not destroy it. Set goals and plans and follow through them. How to measure your success: if you enjoyed an hour of your life, it was a successful hour. If you spent one hour helping someone or doing something useful for yourself, it was a successful hour. Don’t forget happiness is measured in moments, not in years. Forget the laundry and cuddle with your kids. Forget about buying a new fancy car; take your family on a nice vacation. Things perish, good memories don’t. If someone gives you heartache, either communicate your feelings to them or remove the entire person from your heart. Unless you care about something, it can’t hurt you. Some people are simply mean and negative. You can’t change them or understand them. Stay away from them.

If you’re unhappy with your career, it probably means you deserve better. But nothing better will knock on your door if you don’t do anything. First make a good product out of yourself (skilled and productive), then try to sell yourself. Unless you’re an artist or new in your professional field, chances are, you’re having the kind of career that you’ve fought for. The more passion (again, feelings) you invest in your professional development the more creative you will be about finding ways to succeed. Real successful people didn’t read a book “How to be Successful” that enlightened them. They had inner strength that led them through their struggles; they had goals that lit their paths; they had the curiosity to learn about their passions; they had the humility to learn from those who knew more; they had the endurance and patience to build their success piece by piece (and often watch it fall apart and re-build it from scratch).

The brain and the heart often DO work together as a team, but in a destructive way: the brain convinces the heart that it wants something that the brain imposes as wise. And the heart doesn’t want it. This case was elaborated by the original poster. But often, the heart imposes its feelings on the reason; it looks for excuses to do something that’s irrational and detrimental to our quality of life. Try to use your brain to contrive solutions that will please your heart.

If you’re a parent… one day, when you’re very old and you look back, all you will care about is that your children are happy and fulfilled. You won’t care about how many lovers you had, how many people insulted you, how many times you cried, how much money you made, whether you liked your profession or not… So try to give as much love and affection to your children as you can. Discipline is good, but strictness is crippling. Being serious about the rules is good, but being stiff about them teaches them to suppress their feelings - their greatest treasure. I’ve seen so many people suffering because they didn’t get enough attention and affection from their parents. I’ve never seen anyone suffering because their parents let them stay up for 30 more minutes when it was bedtime. My husband is passive-aggressive and unable to sustain a relationship because he was raised by strict, cold parents, deprived from passionate love. Love your kids passionately and teach them to love passionately. You can’t fix your psyches much by going to therapists, but you can prevent your children from needing therapists some day!

This is not to say something that is a recognized error or a negativity should not be, in the correct perception, changed…when stressed it does one not good to continue to stress..instead, finding the solution in the best possible environment, which is ,and on a celluar level is much more optimal ie healathier, a reasonable problem solving and life changing event..How can one then see a thing and addresss for betterment when one is depressed and beating oneself up…No take a higher road that is worthy of action.

It is not out there it is in here and to do something to rectify the situaltion we need not deny it exists, yet we do not wallow in it either. When something is/goes awry, find the sollution not the bellyaching, No pun intended…

Being ill making oneself depressed and physically ill changes nothing..But realizing thaat all paroblems begin and end with how it is viewed and resolved then this is in the right direction..of making changes….

This is not a looking through rose colored glasses indeed it is being realistic and kind to oneself and doing what needs to be done in a mind and emotion of I am capable and can do attitude…it is not necessary to be the black cloud that you are wanting to fix..

My steely ways also helped me destroy my first marriage and was on my way to destroying my second one before I wised up. I also found it hard to ask for help, as I perceived that as a weakness too. All these things I’ve had to unlearn, and it’s been great!