Alex Shalman just launched the Happiness Project. Alex is interviewing a bunch of notable bloggers about happiness, he is sponsoring a group writing project, and giving away a bunch of prizes. It’s great way to learn more about some of your favorite bloggers, to share something about yourself, to build links and traffic, and maybe even get some free stuff.
Two announcements:
Why Write for People Pursuing Freedom?
A few guidelines
Good Topics are (but not limited to):
Send your posts to solson@steve-olson.com.
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A Guest Post by Alik Levin
Why are some cars faster than others? Why do some remote controls switch channels faster than others? Why do some mobile phones dial faster than others? Why do some digital cameras take pictures faster than others?
The answer is simple – some products are engineered with high performance in mind and some are not.
Why are some people less productive then others? We are all “engineered” the same, aren’t we? Fortunately, people can change and continually improve. You are your life’s engineer.
I am a software performance engineer and I’ve adopted J.D. Meier’s Software Performance Frame for my professional life. I am amazed by how this framework maps perfectly to my personal life. Here are a few examples:
Caching
Keeping just enough information at hand is essential to be focused and productive. I manage simple lists of immediate action items with related information. Once done with an action item, it disappears from the list releasing room for more current action items. The trick is keeping the list fresh, not stale. The other trick is having it handy and easily accessible.
Communication
I’ve developed a communication diet. I use email as my primary communication channel, which helps me be mobile and removes the need to be connected to any communication device. Anybody can reach me anytime no matter where I am. If you send me an email, expect a reply within 24 hours. Usually it is much less. If you call my mobile expect to hear “My email is <<email goes here>>, send me an email and I will contact you in 24 hours or less”. This helps me manage action items too.
Concurrency
Few humans can do multiple things simultaneously. Maybe some can, but most of us handle things one-by-one. Once engaged with one thing, I lock on to it. Once completed, I unlock myself for the next thing in the pipeline. I think of myself as a pipeline that processes things one-by-one. That said, I do my best to make sure my calendar does not have overlapping activities in it.
Coupling / Cohesion
How much dependency do you have? How tightly are you coupled to your office, people, devices, or time? The less you are coupled, the less dependent you are and the more productive you will be. Batching related items for processing is a productive technique for me. For example, I batch all office work for Sunday, because I am in the office all day long. That is the principle of high cohesion.
Data Access
What data gets processed? Emails are processed daily and I stopped reading newspapers and listening to radio and TV news. I use more productive techniques like RSS and alerts.
How do you process data? How much time does it take you to find a document, an email, or a contact? Building solid habits for filing and accessing data will save you time.
Algorithms
My productivity habits are like algorithms. Simple algorithms for email processing, meeting management, time allocation, and goal setting.
Mechanical work + streamlined processing = saved time.
For example, I never go to meetings without clear goals and an agenda. During the meeting I stay focused on the agenda and ask others to stick to it. I take notes which become the meeting summary and read them aloud at the end of the meeting, setting each action item for each participant.
Exception Management
Expect problems. There will be exceptions. Anticipating problems reduces stress when they occur. That way it is faster to fix the problem and with less negative emotion. Negative emotion drains energy and productivity.
Resource Management
How do you lock and release your resources? When your resource is locked, it cannot be used by others. Time is a good example. Do you allocate and lock your time proactively for important activities? If not, chances are you will be juggling a multiple activities simultaneously which is not productive. Allocate your time proactively, and increase your focus which reduces errors.
State Management
I manage simple lists of my life projects – customers, family, finances, and few others. Each list item holds its current state. The trick is having it handy and keeping its state updated consistently. It is best if it all sits in one familiar place.
Finally ask yourself?
Am I getting connected to the Matrix?
Or Am I getting disconnected from It?
My name is Alik Levin and I work for one of the world’s largest software companies, with more to do than there are hours. I like trying out new techniques for self improvement and personal development. I adopt what works and share it on my blog at http://practicethis.com.
Christine observed a fascinating difference between suburban and urban parenting. Several times a week, she has the opportunity to observe the beginning of the day at two different Minnesota public schools, one in a suburban setting and the other in an urban setting.
This is what she observed:
Burnsville (Suburb):
A long line of SUVs and buses dropping kids at school. Not a single child walking to school even though the school is surrounded by residential housing. Crossing guards on the corners standing around with nothing to do.
St. Paul (Urban):
Hundreds (literally) of children walking and biking to school without adult supervision.
My first reaction was, “Yeah, but you are comparing different socioeconomic groups. The parents in the urban area don’t have the resources the parents in the suburbs have, like time and transportation.” She said, “No, the school is in Mac Groveland, one of the wealthier neighborhoods in St. Paul.”
So I looked it up:
Demographics in the suburban Eagle Creek neighborhood
Demographics in the urban Mac Groveland neighborhood of St. Paul
While the incomes are a bit higher in the suburb the net worth is almost the same… hmmm, who do you think has more debt?
What makes this even more interesting is the irrational behavior of the suburban parents. While the suburban neighborhood is one of the safest neighborhoods in America, they waste time and energy waiting in line to drop their kids at the front door of the school. Why don’t they drop them on the corner and make them walk half a block? They’d save 20 minutes and a gallon of gas.
So why the difference? Why are suburban parents more controlling? Anybody want to take a stab at it?
Malcom Gladwell, where are you?
My best guess is…
More suburban parents watch television news and listen to talk radio and it distorts their perception of risk.
Do you know why so many ‘gifted’ children go on to produce mediocre results with their ‘gifts’? How many times have you heard someone say, “I’m a talented guy, why can’t I achieve results like him? How did someone with such average intelligence, average looks, and average ability, become so successful?”
Vince Lombardi, a man with average looks, average intelligence, and average athletic ability, became one of the most successful coaches in history, and his wisdom debunks many common beliefs about competition, giftedness, success, self-improvement, and personal growth.
One of the most unassuming, average guys from my High School went on to make over $100 million dollars. Actually, today he’s pretty good looking guy, but back then there were dozens of people who were smarter, more charismatic, better looking, or better athletes. How did it happen? How is he different?
Another person from my High School is one of the smartest and best looking people I have ever known and has done little with her life but complain about how ’stupid’ everyone is and she wonders why the ’stupid’ people seem to be so much happier and wealthier than her. She talks about how it must be a conspiracy or blind luck. She says most people are too shallow to understand her intelligence. She has an IQ over 170 and can’t understand why people won’t simply pay her six figures for her brilliance. You can see the problem, but she is blind to it. Why? How did this happen to someone who was given a major advantage in life? I’ll explore that in this post.
Vince Lombardi’s formula for being #1 is simple and it doesn’t require high intelligence, good looks, or world-class talent. But remember, we often confuse simple with easy. Simple is not easy. For example, losing weight is simple, but it can be extraordinarily difficult. Ask any computer programmer who has developed a simple solution and he will testify that complex solutions are far easier to create than simple ones. Complexity is the sanctuary of the novice, and simplicity is the revelation of a genius. So when people tell you to keep it simple, they are asking you to think like a genius.
Read Vince Lombardi’s speech on what it takes to be #1, and you’ll see his formula. Winning is a habit. Winning attracts more winning and unfortunately so does losing.
So how do we develop the Vince Lombardi habit of winning?
Develop a Strong Head
To have a strong head you need to have a disciplined mind. Everything ever accomplished by a human being began as a thought. This isn’t magic. It’s an undeniable fact. Set your goals, focus your thoughts, visualize the outcome, document the details, and make it a habit, because good habits are the foundation of all accomplishment. But it does require much more than thought alone.
Develop a Big Heart
Immerse your focused, habitual, and obsessive thoughts with positive emotion. Mix your burning desires with faith, love, determination, gratitude, and persistence. This is what my son calls Sha-hand-show-bo. This is how you keep going even when you want to quit. This gives you the ability to reach down inside yourself, when you don’t think you have anything left to give, and find the energy to persist. Emotional stamina separates winners from quitters.
Learn to Love Competition
Another way to say this is… be courageous. In all endeavors, on your way to the top, there are people who will scoff at you, impugn you, and when they become threatened, they will try to stomp you out. Getting to the top means knocking someone else out of #1. Some people don’t want to hear this, but it’s true.
Many people are confused about competition. They think of those who will do anything to win. Lying, cheating, and stealing isn’t winning, it’s corruption. Winning is being the best not the worst, so don’t confuse being a winner with being a crook.
Some people say creativity is constructive and competition is destructive, but there is a flaw in this logic - if you create something new which disrupts and challenges the existing order, you are competing whether you like it or not. Creative new solutions must compete with existing paradigms for attention and resources much like web 2.0 is challenging the old media. Do not be fooled into thinking you can create something valuable for others without competing - you can’t. If you aren’t competing for someone’s dollars, you are at least competing for their time and attention.
Evolution occurs from the competitive selection of all things, which are in a state of constant change, recreating and reinventing themselves to become better than what came before them. Change is the new replacing the old. Competition is the means of determining which change is best. Competition is necessary to grow, so to avoid competition is to avoid growth.
Learn to Love Discipline
Self-discipline is critical to success, happiness, and personal freedom. How happy and free is the undisciplined irresponsible person? The answer seems obvious doesn’t it? There is no freedom without responsibility and there is no success without self-discipline.
Does that sound too black and white? Look at the areas where you need to grow. Be honest with yourself. Are they areas where you lack discipline?
How does this affect the ‘gifted and talented?’
Many of you fit into a group, which the education establishment has labeled ‘gifted.’ Labeling someone ‘gifted’ is dangerous because it breeds arrogance. An arrogance which hurts the ‘gifted’ and keeps them from reaching their potential.
I’ve spent decades around under-achieving ‘gifted’ individuals. These folks had two major traits that kept them from succeeding:
1. Without effort, thought, or training, they simply knew the answers to difficult problems. Many of their peers had to work hard, pay attention, and build academic discipline to solve problems. But for many gifted students, it was effortless.
2. When they didn’t understand something intuitively, learning it was easy, requiring only 1-3 iterations to achieve mastery, while their peers required 10+ iterations. Learning the same material required far less studying for the gifted learner.
Dr. Bertie Kingore makes similar observations in her essay about the differences between the high-achiever, the gifted learner, and the creative thinker.
So the danger is this…
Many ‘gifted’ kids don’t learn self-discipline because they don’t need to. Learning is too easy. I’ve seen the same thing happen to gifted athletes.
During a staff meeting at work, I asked a bunch of co-workers a question, which generated looks that seemed to question my sanity…
Is a straight A student really successful? Are they really getting a good education? If they never fail, what have they learned about themselves?
A few people seemed horrified that I was suggesting that an A student could be a failure.
But this is what I was getting at…
If a student pushed herself as hard as she could to achieve top grades, I’d say yes, she is on the road to success. However, if she is getting top grades with little effort, she is being cheated and set up for failure in the future because she doesn’t know her limits. She’s never pushed them. She hasn’t developed the self-discipline necessary to succeed at something difficult. So she develops a habit of doing just enough to get by, and later her peers blow past her in every measure of happiness and success. It’s the classic tortoise and the hare story.
Let me leave you with something I’ve discovered about what truly makes me happy. I spent years coasting, doing less than I was capable of, under the false belief that talking it easy would result in happiness. Coasting became a habit. But it never resulted in happiness. In my late twenties I discovered that pushing myself to my limits resulted in far more happiness than taking it easy (I know, I’m a slow learner). Today when I find myself falling into depression or self-destructive thinking, I know what the problem is… I’m coasting, I’m not pushing hard, and I’m not growing.
The universal Law of Growth states ‘that which is not growing is dying.’ So every time I start to slip, I know why. It’s because I have stopped growing and it is time to push myself hard to learn something new, to solve more problems, or to help other people.
And you know what…
It works every time.
(FYI – I’m a Green Bay Packers fan and I love Lombardi. Go Pack! Beat the Giants on Sunday! Let’s bring home lucky #13!)
Tell me what you think? I’d like to know.
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I want to let you know that while I haven’t posted since December this blog is still alive and I am currently working on several posts. A co-worker told me today that I had better post something soon or people might start thinking I went AWOL. I decided I needed to take a break from blogging and reasses my goals. Christine’s online business is growing larger and faster than we had planned (that’s a real good thing), the boys need a lot of attention, and Ergotron has some very cool things planned for 2008, so blogging has slipped to about #4 on my priority list. So stay tuned, I haven’t gone away, I love to write, and there is more coming in 2008.
A variety of topics continue to capture my attention, personal growth, financial growth, libertarian politics, and storytelling. I am considering creating two more blogs. This blog will be my personal blog and be dedicated to personal and financial growth, a new blog with political stuff (I feel like I bore many of you with my political rants), and a third blog where I can publish short stories.
I’d be grateful for any feedback on the possibility of three blogs. I have serious reservations about trying to maintain three sites.
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On a very important side note…
Can anyone out there help me?
Do you work for Amazon or know anyone who works for Amazon? Particularly the Amazon Alliance?
I’d sure like to talk to someone from Amazon about a simple misunderstanding that has been almost impossible to resolve due to automation and I know it would be resolved if I talked to the right person.
I appreciate any help.
The wisdom in this essay is life changing.
Some of you know it intimately. Some of you read it once and forgot it. Some of you were forced to read it in school, just skimmed it, and it didn’t sink in. And some of you have never read it (tragic). So I have condensed this essay into what I believe are his most poignant entries, in the hope that you will read it right now. It is one of the most powerful personal development essays ever written.
While it is well over one hundred years old, you will find Emerson’s insight and wisdom timeless. It is uncanny how closely his message relates to current culture and events.
Change yourself and change the world.
Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson (condensed)
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart, is true for all men- that is genius.
…always the inmost becomes the outmost…
A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within… he dismisses without notice his own thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty… tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another.
We but half express ourselves, and we are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents.
God will not have his work made manifest by cowards.
Trust thyself… let us advance and advance on Chaos and the Dark.
Do not think the youth has no force because he cannot speak to you and me… it is that very lump of bashfulness and phlegm which for weeks has done nothing but eat when you were by, that now rolls out these words like bell-strokes… he will know how to make us seniors very unnecessary.
An immortal youth…would utter opinions on all passing affairs which… would sink like darts into the ear of men, and put them in fear.
Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members.
The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs.
Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.
Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of you own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world.
No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature. Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution, the only wrong what is against it.
I am ashamed to think how easily we capitulate to badges and names, to large societies and dead institutions.
I ought to go upright and speak the rude truth in all ways.
Your goodness must have some edge to it - else it is none.
Do not tell me, as a good man did today, of my obligation to put all poor men in good situations.
My life is not an apology, but a life.
I cannot consent to pay for a privilege where I have intrinsic right.
What I must do is all that concerns me, not what people think.
You will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it.
The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
If you maintain a dead church, contribute to a dead Bible society, vote with a great party either for the Government or against it, spread your table like base housekeepers - under all these screens I have difficulty to detect the precise man you are. But do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself.
Nature is not slow to equip us in the prison uniform of the party to which we adhere.
For non-conformity the world whips you with its displeasure.
The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them.
Why drag about this monstrous corpse of your memory.
Live ever in a new day. Trust your emotion.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do… if you would be a man, speak what you think today in words as hard as cannon balls, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it may contradict everything you said today.
Misunderstood! It is a right fool’s word. Is it so bad then to be misunderstood? Pythogras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.
No man can violate his nature.
Let me record day by day my honest thought without prospect of retrospect.
We pass for what we are. Character teaches above our wills. Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions and do not see that virtue and vice emit a breath every moment.
You genuine action will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. Act singly, and what you have already done singly, will justify you now. Greatness appears to the future.
Do right now… the force of character in cumulative.
I hope in these days we have heard the last of conformity and consistency.
Let us bow and apologize never more. A great man is coming to eat at my house. I do not wish to please him: I wish that he should wish to please me. I will stand here for humanity, and though I would make it kind, I would make it true. Let us affront and reprimand the smooth mediocrity and squalid contentment of the times, and hurl in the face of custom, and trade, and office, the fact which is the upshot of all history, that there is a great responsible Thinker and Actor moving wherever moves a man; that a true man belongs to no other time or place, but is the center of things. Where he is, there is nature.
Let a man then know his worth.
That source, at once the essence of genius, of virtue, and of life, which we call Spontaneity or Instinct. We denote this primary wisdom as Intuition, whilst all later teachings are tuitions. In that deep force, the last fact behind which analysis cannot go, all things find their common origin. For, the sense of being which in calm hours rises, we know not how, in the soul, is not diverse from things, from space, from light, from time, from man, but one with them, and proceeds obviously from the same source whence their life and being also proceed. We first share the life by which things exist, and afterwards see them as appearances in nature, and forget that we have shared their cause. Here is the fountain of action and of thought. Here are the lungs of that inspiration which giveth man wisdom, and which cannot be denied without impiety and atheism. We lie in the lap of immense intelligence, which makes us receivers of its truth and organs of its activity. When we discern justice, when we discern truth, we do nothing of ourselves, but allow a passage to its beams.
Every man discriminates between the voluntary acts of his mind, and his involuntary perceptions, and knows that to his involuntary perceptions a perfect faith is due. He may err in the expression of them, but he knows that these things are so, like day and night, not to be disputed.
If I see a trait, my children will see it after me, and in course of time, all mankind, — although it may chance that no one has seen it before me. For my perception of it is as much a fact as the sun.
It must be that when God speaketh he should communicate, not one thing, but all things.
Whenever a mind is simple, and receives a divine wisdom, old things pass away, — means, teachers, texts, temples fall.
In the universal miracle, petty and particular miracles disappear.
Is the acorn better than the oak which is its fullness and completion? Is the parent better than the child into whom he has cast his ripened being? Whence, then, this worship of the past? The centuries are conspirators against the sanity and authority of the soul. Time and space are but physiological colors which the eye makes, but the soul is light; where it is, is day; where it was, is night.
Man is timid and apologetic; he is no longer upright; he dares not say ‘I think,’ ‘I am,’ but quotes some saint or sage. He is ashamed before the blade of grass or the blowing rose. These roses under my window make no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are.
But man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time.
If we live truly, we shall see truly. It is as easy for the strong man to be strong, as it is for the weak to be weak.
When a man lives with God, his voice shall be as sweet as the murmur of the brook and the rustle of the corn.
All that we say is the far-off remembering of the intuition.
Life only avails, not the having lived. Power ceases in the instant of repose; it resides in the moment of transition from a past to a new state, in the shooting of the gulf, in the darting to an aim. This one fact the world hates, that the soul becomes; for that for ever degrades the past, turns all riches to poverty, all reputation to a shame, confounds the saint with the rogue.
To talk of reliance is a poor external way of speaking. Speak rather of that which relies, because it works and is. Who has more obedience than I masters me.
But now we are a mob. Man does not stand in awe of man, nor is his genius admonished to stay at home, to put itself in communication with the internal ocean, but it goes abroad to beg a cup of water of the urns of other men.
Why should we assume the faults of our friend, or wife, or father, or child, because they sit around our hearth, or are said to have the same blood? All men have my blood, and I have all men’s.
The power men possess to annoy me, I give them by a weak curiosity. No man can come near me but through my act.
I obey no law less than the eternal law.
I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints.
It is alike your interest, and mine, and all men’s, however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth.
You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine, and, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last.
I cannot sell my liberty and my power.
All persons have their moments of reason, when they look out into the region of absolute truth.
We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. We want men and women who shall renovate life and our social state, but we see that most natures are insolvent, cannot satisfy their own wants, have an ambition out of all proportion to their practical force, and do lean and beg day and night continually.
If our young men miscarry in their first enterprises, they lose all heart. If the young merchant fails, men say he is ruined. If the finest genius studies at one of our colleges, and is not installed in an office within one year afterwards in the cities or suburbs of Boston or New York, it seems to his friends and to himself that he is right in being disheartened, and in complaining the rest of his life. A sturdy lad from New Hampshire or Vermont, who in turn tries all the professions, who teams it, farms it, peddles, keeps a school, preaches, edits a newspaper, goes to Congress, buys a township, and so forth, in successive years, and always, like a cat, falls on his feet, is worth a hundred of these city dolls. He walks abreast with his days, and feels no shame in not ’studying a profession,’ for he does not postpone his life, but lives already. He has not one chance, but a hundred chances.
With the exercise of self-trust, new powers shall appear.
It is easy to see that a greater self-reliance must work a revolution in all the offices and relations of men; in their religion; in their education; in their pursuits; their modes of living; their association; in their property; in their speculative views.
As soon as the man is at one with God, he will not beg.
Another sort of false prayers are our regrets. Discontent is the want of self-reliance: it is infirmity of will. Regret calamities, if you can thereby help the sufferer; if not, attend your own work, and already the evil begins to be repaired.
The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide… our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
My giant goes with me wherever I go.
Traveling is a fool’s paradise.
The intellect is vagabond, and our system of education fosters restlessness. Our minds travel when our bodies are forced to stay at home. We imitate; and what is imitation but the traveling of the mind?
Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation.
That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. No man yet knows what it is, nor can, till that person has exhibited it. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington.
The great man imitates in the original crisis when he performs a great act, I will tell him who else than himself can teach him. Shakspeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much.
All men plume themselves on the improvement of society, and no man improves.
Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other. It undergoes continual changes; it is barbarous, it is civilized, it is christianized, it is rich, it is scientific; but this change is not amelioration. For every thing that is given, something is taken.
The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet. He is supported on crutches, but lacks so much support of muscle.
In Christendom where is the Christian?
Society is a wave. The wave moves onward, but the water of which it is composed does not. The same particle does not rise from the valley to the ridge. Its unity is only phenomenal. The persons who make up a nation to-day, next year die, and their experience with them.
And so the reliance on Property, including the reliance on governments which protect it, is the want of self-reliance.
Men have looked away from themselves and at things so long…they have come to esteem…civil institutions as guards of property, and they deprecate assaults on these, because they feel them to be assaults on property. They measure their esteem of each other by what each has, and not by what each is.
But that which a man is does always by necessity acquire, and what the man acquires is living property, which does not wait the beck of rulers, or mobs, or revolutions, or fire, or storm, or bankruptcies, but perpetually renews itself wherever the man breathes. “Thy lot or portion of life,” said the Caliph Ali, “is seeking after thee; therefore be at rest from seeking after it.”
Our dependence on these foreign goods leads us to our slavish respect for numbers.
He who knows that power is inborn, that he is weak because he has looked for good out of him and elsewhere, and so perceiving, throws himself unhesitatingly on his thought, instantly rights himself, stands in the erect position, commands his limbs, works miracles; just as a man who stands on his feet is stronger than a man who stands on his head.
So use all that is called Fortune. Most men gamble with her, and gain all, and lose all, as her wheel rolls. But do thou leave as unlawful these winnings, and deal with Cause and Effect, the chancellors of God. In the Will work and acquire, and thou hast chained the wheel of Chance, and shalt sit hereafter out of fear from her rotations. A political victory, a rise of rents, the recovery of your sick, or the return of your absent friend, or some other favorable event, raises your spirits, and you think good days are preparing for you. Do not believe it.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.
A co-worker recently said something which made me realize how important little things can be. I told him this short story the day before Thanksgiving:
When I was in my teens, I did a little stint working for a snow removal company in Bloomington Minnesota. One Thanksgiving Eve we had a blizzard and the snow continued into Thanksgiving morning. A friend and I spent 14 hours shoveling snow that Thanksgiving. I’ll never forget it. I sold my Thanksgiving Day for $104.00. But at the time, I thought it was a great deal. I probably spent the money on Metallica records and Budweiser.
My co-worker said, “You might have missed dinner, but I bet some of the people whose sidewalks you shoveled gave you a little holiday cheer.”
I said, “When I left that morning, my mother wasn’t happy that I was going to miss Thanksgiving dinner, and she was concerned about what I was going to eat because all the stores and restaurants were closed. I was in a hurry and grabbed a bag of Christmas candy and I remember her saying that she was sure someone would share food with us. I haven’t thought about it in 20 years, but you know what? I remember I thought they would too, but no one offered us a thing, not even a cup of coffee. All I ate that day was that bag of Christmas candy, which I shared with the other guy. I saw people in their homes and they saw me too. Some people waited inside their cars for me to clear the snow and then hurried by us carrying food into the house. Not one person even said Happy Thanksgiving. I thought people would be happy and generous on Thanksgiving and I was surprised how cold they were.”
When I got home I mentioned the story to Christine, and she was surprised no one offered us anything. She said if someone were shoveling our steps on Thanksgiving Day, she’d invite them in and offer them something.
I think she’d do it. I would too. And I think you would too. But I have to ask… We say we would, but are we paying attention when the opportunity arises? Do we pay attention to the people who do things for us every day? People that do small things for us around the holidays?
These thoughts spurred another memory.
A year or two earlier, I worked at Bloomington Speedy Car Wash, the place where all the heavy metal burnouts worked. We worked there because we could smoke cigarettes on the job and wear our hair long. Thanksgiving Eve and Christmas Eve were the two busiest days of the year. The cars lined up for blocks. When I started, I wanted to work those days, because I thought the customers would be happy and generous on the holidays. The exact opposite was true. The closer we were to a holiday, the cheaper and angrier customers became. Few people smiled, no one tipped, and hardly anyone said Merry Christmas. Christmas Eve was the worst.
Back then, I was jaded and pretty anti-social about mainstream society. But even I was surprised how self-centered people were around the holidays. It reinforced my belief that we live in a thoughtless, selfish, uncaring society. A belief that nobody really gives a shit about anybody else, even on Thanksgiving, so why should I? I’m sure you can imagine the consequences of such a belief.
I don’t hold the same sentiments today. I think most people do care about the people around them, but they just get caught up in their own plans, and if they stopped for a minute and paid attention to the people around them, they’d act differently, they’d be more generous and thoughtful.
You can be the one person who makes a difference.
So I hope this doesn’t sound too preachy, but I am going to ask you to do something.
This holiday season remember the people around you, smile, say Merry Christmas, give a little extra on the tip, tip people you don’t normally tip (The car wash gal, the cook, the Starbucks guy), leave a gift for the garbage man, the recycling guy, your kid’s teacher, drop a few bucks in the Salvation Army can, tip the postman, find a way to let people know you value them, be generous, and if you own a business, give out a holiday bonus.
Your actions can help change someone else’s worldview. That’s how the world will change, one person at a time, one interaction at time, and one act of kindness at a time.
As busy as we all are during the holidays, let’s take the time to be good to one another. It is the little things that change people. Imagine, if one person offered us a cup of coffee on Thanksgiving Day 1986, this would be a different story.
This year, be that person.
You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. Frank Crane - Historian and Sociologist.
If you are anything like me, you’ve been screwed over and learned a lot the hard way. You’ve built street smarts which have served you well. Some ‘normal’ people may even say that your skepticism borders on paranoia. But you justify it with real examples of people trying abuse you or rip you off and your ‘eyes in the back of your head’ have saved you on numerous occasions.
Now maybe you’re in a new environment, you are off the streets, out of a dysfunctional family, or ended an abusive relationship, and now you need to build new relationships, find business connections, help your community, nurture your family and the skills that served you so well in the past… are… well… pretty much worthless.
To succeed in this new environment you need to expand the radius of trust around yourself. A radius of believability, safety, and compassion.
Here are 20 ways you can expand your trust radius:
In a recent post, Rick Cockrum asked the question, Can You Spell Bibliophile? Rick, thanks for the question.
My love affair with books goes back to my earliest memories. I can’t imagine a world without real tangible books you can hold in your hands.
Books are my DOC (Drug of Choice)
I cherish my memories of…
Sitting next to my mother, wafts of coffee and chocolate drifting through the air, while she read The Hiding Place aloud.
Long subarctic North Dakota nights, howling winds, swirling snow crystals sliding across the windows, and my mother’s voice reading me The Emancipation of Robert Sadler.
The Fargo Public Library where I sat alone on the floor with a pile of books for hours, lost in other worlds.
As a schoolboy, being left alone for entire afternoons at B. Dalton Booksellers in West Acres Mall. I could have gone to the arcade or the toy store but I didn’t. Instead I read.
Skipping school and spending the day alone reading at the public library.
Today, I’d say we have between 5,000 and 10,000 books in our house, most of which are for sale. I live in a book store and it is a dream come true.
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I’m going to take this meme in a different direction and just tell you what I have been reading over the last month or so and then list some of my all time favorite authors.
Essays and Poems by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
I keep a copy of this book on my night stand and I read passages nightly.
The Psychology of Selling by Brian Tracy
This explores why people buy and how to sell to them. Brian says that all buying is emotional and every good salesman knows it. I concur. He also states that you never lose a deal on price. I disagree. I just watched a large deal come down to price. The salesman from the ‘expensive’ company performed as Brian Tracy coaches and he lost the deal on price. This book is worth the read because there is a lot to learn from it, but Tracy is dead wrong on price because price is the most emotional issue surrounding a purchasing decision. People think price is a simple unemotional math calculation, but it isn’t. If it was, all salaries in a corporation would be published on the corporate intranet, because after all, they are just numbers, right? But they aren’t published because people get emotional about the price they are getting paid for their labor. It is the same with all transactions. Most people use money to value themselves and others. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t care how much money they made relative to others. Differences over money results in more divorces than any other conflict, which should tell you something about our relationship with money. Our relationship with money is very similar to our relationship to sex. The wrong price can make people feel angry, hurt, insulted, afraid, or foolish. The right price can make people feel smart, happy, courageous, or wealthy. Have you ever been happy with a product until you found out someone else got a lower price? Then how did you feel?
Naked Conversations by Robert Scoble
This is the Bible on corporate business blogging by the best in the business. This book gives us a look inside the borg and how blogging helped Microsoft turn its image around. Robert Scoble is an inspiration. He beat the odds and won with integrity, innovation, and courage.
I Am Alive and You Are Dead: A Journey into the Mind of Philip K. Dick by Emmanuel Carrerre
Philip Dick had an amazing mind; the kind that fascinates me. A mind that breaks the patterns of our mass media, government educated consciousness. I expected a fair impartial account of Philip Dick’s life, but some of Carrerre’s prose reads more like fiction than biography. He tells some accounts as though he witnessed them as an omnipresent consciousness, using details he couldn’t have known, like Philip Dick’s thoughts, which makes me suspect of Carrerre’s objectivity. The real “Dickheads” don’t like this book. I’m not a “Dickhead” but I am still suspect of Carrerre’s account. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the work and Emmanuel’s prose is among the best in the business.
Objectivism: The Philosophy of Ayn Rand by Leonard Peikoff
The best three paragraphs I’ve read this year are from this book:
This purpose entails three and only three governmental functions. In Ayn Rand’s statement, these are: the police to protect men from criminals – the armed services to protect men from foreign invaders – the law courts to settle disputes among men according to objective laws. Any additional function would have to involve the government initiating force against innocent citizens. Such a government acts not as man’s protector, but as a criminal.
Government is inherently negative. The power of force is the power of destruction, not of creation, and it must be used accordingly, i.e. , only to destroy destruction. For a society to inject this power into any creative realm, spiritual or material, is a lethal contradiction: it is the attempt to use death as a means of sustaining life.
The above means, first of all, that the state must not intervene in the intellectual and moral life of its citizens. It has not standards to uphold and no benefits to confer in regard to education, literature, art, science, sex (if adult and voluntary), or philosophy. Its function is to protect freedom not truth or virtue.
Leonard translates Ayn’s philosophy into layman’s terms. I like how he brings much of her philosophy into the post Soviet world and uses the demise of international socialism/communism as an example of Ayn’s philosophy. At the root, our economic and social problems come from too much central management, not too little. Many people see a social or economic problem and think the government should solve it. This book illustrates the folly of this thinking. The forced government solution will either make the problem worse or create a larger “blowback” from somewhere else.
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A few of my favorite authors: Thoreau, Emerson, Twain, Orwell, Huxley, Rand, and Hill.
