Comments on: Learning How to Live

By: Elan Chalford

Elan Chalford — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:18:36 +0000

Two months later this is still a strong message.
My hit: when a child asks you for time and attention, this is not just a living in the moment opportunity. Giving supportive attention to a child is a high vlue for all of us. So, we work that into the prioritization as we make our decision.

If I don’t give the loving attention now, how shall I do it later? is a good question to ask when you cannot leave your task at hand.

By: Ben

Ben — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 06:14:39 +0000

After reading this entry and the story that you linked to, I’m wondering whether becoming and then being a parent makes one live more for more than just the present. I’ve been a father for nearly six years and who I am now is a changed version of who I was. It may be a cliche - but my sons have helped and continue to help me the world through fresh eyes.

Finally, in my eyes one has to live in the present and for the future and leave the past behind as a series of stops on life’s journey.

By: Dereck Coatney

Dereck Coatney — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 01:00:46 +0000

First discussion was here.

As to this:

I love and hate the middle because some people use the middle as some safety zone and they never venture out, while I know nothing is black and white. Moderation bores me, I have to find out what’s out there, even if it hurts.

This is epic.

By: Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk

Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:23:10 +0000

PS I was never tempted to go the drugs/alcohol route because my dad was an alcoholic and I could see that way didn’t work.

By: Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk

Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:59:28 +0000

Dereck,
You write, “… none of us, until we are very old, can know that we can die at any moment.” That hasn’t been my experience. Last September in Living Every, Every Minute I wrote about seeing Thorton Wilder’s Our Town on TV when I was 12 years old and the profound effect it made on me. It’s why I blog:

And that, I think, is blogging at its best…honoring the things we love by writing about them and sharing them with others. Writing helps us wake up to those precious moments that go by all too fast.

Steve,
You’re a man after my own heart. I, too, am interesting in the learning and sharing, not in the statistics I can generate. Thanks!

By: Anthony Braden

Anthony Braden — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:23:16 +0000

That’s a very compelling inversion of the usual mantra, Live For Today.

The balance between two competing needs is hard to achieve, but you’ve l;aid out an excellent framework for examining the question. Thanks, and have a good weekend.

By: Steve

Steve — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:22:50 +0000

@Jean, I’ve learned almost everything the hard way. Sad but true. I can be a stubborn SOB. But that why I have this blog. To learn and to share. Having readers like you make it all worth it. Depression can teach you things, if you survive it. It is a lot like drug addiction or alcoholism or war, no one wants it, but if you get it and make it out the other side, whew! You sure learn a lot.

@Dereck,
I don’t recall my first discussion with you. What was it about? I like exploring the edges and I know you do too. I blog because I don’t want to do it alone. I love and hate the middle because some people use the middle as some safety zone and they never venture out, while I know nothing is black and white. Moderation bores me, I have to find out what’s out there, even if it hurts.

P.S. I’m grateful to have readers as intelligent and thoughtful as you guys. Thanks for hanging around.

By: Dereck Coatney

Dereck Coatney — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:53:04 +0000

What’s so remarkable about what you’ve said here is the degree to which balance in the face of absence of absolute knowledge plays the greatest role in our decision making. In other words, if we knew just how long we would live, we’d make much more careful decisions.

What’s also highly interesting is that I wrote the story with one extreme view in mind, and you noticed. In fact, it was deliberate that he only made his final choice once he knew, quite clearly, the degree to which he was finite. He began by first saying “no.”

What you’ve carefully deconstructed here is what I was silent about, which was, the decision he made in the end, which is the decision the story seems to be saying must be made, is an impossible decision because none of us, until we are very old, can know that we can die at any moment.

Incidentally, we could think of it as a continuum, one where we each pick our own place. In fact, my first discussion with you was way back when I mistakenly thought you were far off to one end instead of somewhere closer to the middle; which makes all of this even more interesting because it shows the degree to which both you and I try to strike a balance between the poles.

Thanks for the mention Steve.

By: Tabs

Tabs — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:17:33 +0000

What a thought provoking story, so much emphasis is placed on living for the now that people tend to forget that the things you do now is what will create your future. Living now, does not mean the constant search for pleasure, it means planning responsibly and setting aside time for fun. Life is truly not all fun and games. You simply have to work too.

Thanks, incredible answers from unexpected places…

-Tabs

By: Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk

Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 22:10:55 +0000

The reason I learned this was because I was lucky enough to go through a period of depression. I hated it and never wanted to go there again.

By: Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk

Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:39:26 +0000

I was lucky enough to figure that out when I was a kid. My solution is my basic philosophy:

Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing. Find what you love to do and find a way to share it with others.

If you find work you love, keep learning and growing and enjoy the process… then you can live in the moment and prepare for the future at the same time. It’s a natural consequence.