Comments on: How rigid beliefs affect relationships

By: jess

jess — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 12:39:07 +0000

Beliefs is an internal opinion for one to choose from and follow.its a way to express ones internal thoughts.

By: deb

deb — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 16:33:05 +0000

It is simple, you’re right. We can’t change other people, we only have control over ourselves and how we choose to react to things. Very Buddhist. Just found your site this morning, I’ll be back.

By: Alan

Alan — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 00:45:03 +0000

It does seem pretty simple now, doesn’t it?
That means you got it right.

But don’t worry, you go on down this path and you’ll eventually hit things that are just as simple, yet for some reason fiendishly difficult to write down.

By: Shonnie

Shonnie — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 01:14:03 +0000

Brilliant Steve!! What you’ve clearly explained is something that very few people seem to know (or at least practice). Two thoughts I specifically want to add:

1. Many of us haven’t consciously chosen our beliefs. We live out inherited beliefs that may or may not fit what we truly want in our lives. A belief from my family, though not directly articulate in this way, was “When you’re good at something, you’re valued.” I was a perfectionistic people-pleaser when living out of this belief, so I would make myself crazy trying to fulfill this belief. Many sad stories.

2. Life is as it is–neither good nor bad, black nor white, up nor down. We humans put meaning on it. Even when we have plenty of justifications for our judgments, they are still simply judgments (or beliefs). Though I encourage my coaching clients (and endeavor to personally practice) to maintain standards that fit their personal values, like you demonstrated, if we’re feeling miserable, we might re-evaluate if our beliefs are helping us or hurting us.

Thanks for sharing this important info in such a clear way! Peace.

By: J.C.

J.C. — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 06:40:42 +0000

Interesting. You may change how you react to Joe but I think your core belief is correct. It may be possible he just doesn’t know better but this doesn’t mean you cannot express to him how it makes you feel. What you seem to be missing is communication with your friend. Openness and honesty are sometimes points of contention but in the long run this could help him in other situations where there is the same problem and he doesn’t understand the other parties animosity. I have the opposite condition - I’m never on time but always early - sometimes this is also not well received - my ex was always making me circle the block until the exact time a party was to begin and even then she wanted three more laps… I miss that girl_but only when I’m not sober.